Where Do You Put Your Grief?

I was fortunate this past March to be the featured guest on Dr. Melissa Ming Foynes excellent, helpful podcast, “The Science and Soul of Living Well”. Dr. Foynes found me via this web site and has been using my essay, “The Ritual” in some of the work she does with parents who have lost a baby. She has also used the anthology that The Ritual was featured in, What God is Honored Here: Writings on Miscarriage and Infant Loss by and for Native Women and Women of Color, and I’m so glad that this important book is finding its audience and being used in healing and restorative ways with families who have lost a baby.

I was honored to speak on this podcast during March, the same month as my daughter Naima’s 10th birthday. I had struggled a bit over what I should do to commemorate this bittersweet day, and when Dr. Foynes contacted me I knew this was the perfect way to honor my daughter, and to heal myself.

In the podcast, I talk about my daughter, and what my grief journey after losing her has been like. I talk about ‘grief containers’ which are spaces / places where we can speak openly and freely about our grief. These spaces can include ritualized ceremonies like funerals or wakes, as well as more private places like therapy, conversations with friends and family, etc. I have found in my journey that in the USA we don’t have very many healthy, robust containers for our grief, and so often people’s grief spills out at somewhat random and sometimes inappropriate times, which can sometimes cause more harm than healing. Check out the podcast for more and let me know what you think.

Wishing you and yours well during this pandemic time, when grief seems to be a constant companion for so many of us, whether we realize it or not. Where are the places and spaces where you can express your grief fully and without judgment?


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